Sharing Infidelity

For many members of Generation X – Americans born between 1961 and 1981 – “sharing” often has a negative connotation.  Sharing sexual partners spread HIV/AIDS in the 1980s and 1990s.  So did sharing needles.  In the 1990s and 2000s, we learned that sharing ideas leads to lawsuits and lost fortunes.

So it is of little surprise that members of Generation X, now parents, are horrified to learn that their teenage children are sharing their online passwords with their boyfriends and girlfriends (you can read about it here).  Where did Generation X go wrong?

Marriage.  Marriage is where Generation X went wrong.

To its credit, Generation X is committed to better marriages than it experienced as the children of Baby Boomers.  As a result, the divorce rate has dropped almost 30% since the early 1980s.  However, it still hovers around 45%, which is tragic.

What does this have to do with teenagers sharing their online passwords?

According to a study by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, the past five years have seen a dramatic rise in the amount of electronic data used as evidence in divorce hearings.  Generation X is using private e-mail accounts and social networks to carry out its extramarital affairs.

Kids see the damage to relationships caused by online privacy, and they respond by eliminating the privacy.  They share.  Generation X may fault this logic, but I see something kind of beautiful in choosing romance over privacy.

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Taking the gamble out of Chatroulette.

“Now he’s waggling his tongue at me and taking off his shirt.”  It’s not what you expect to hear when you tune in to NPR, but today Robin Young, the host of Here & Now, was describing her experience with Chatroulette, a Web site that randomly links users with active webcams, live.

Here is how Chatroulette works:

  • When a user connects to the site, the application requests access to the user’s webcam and microphone
  • If the user agrees, the application allows the user to start a “new game”
  • The “game” is that the application links the user to another user who also has an active webcam and microphone
  • If the two linked users want to interact with each other over their webcams and microphones, they can
  • If one of the users does not want to interact with the other, he or she clicks “next” and is randomly linked to another user

The idea simple, and, with users from all over the globe (the application was created by a teenager in Moscow), it could result in some interesting connections.

Teens are fascinated with other people because experiencing other people helps them understand themselves.  It is one of the reasons why teens like Facebook, MySpace, and, now, Chatroulette.

Unfortunately, the communications on Chatroulette cannot be filtered, and, as Robin Young experienced, exhibitionists are thrilled.

In my own sampling of Chatroulette, I was linked with dull-faced adolescent boys, groups of teenage girls all crammed around the same computer, and masturbating adult men.

Robin Young’s guest, author and adolescent psychologist Sharon Maxwell, suggests that parents prevent the computers of young children and tweens from being able to access Chatroulette.  For teenagers, Maxwell prescribes direct and honest communication:

“You need to proactively get on there and say, ‘Listen, I know about this thing called Chatroulette.  At some point I know that you will probably go on.  This is what you can expect, and this is how I expect you to behave because what you say online actually matters.’”

Rather than issue a blanket prohibition or condemnation of the Internet in general or of Chatroulette specifically, Maxwell is advocating for parents to be aware of their children’s world, to demonstrate an understanding of it, and to address forthrightly the dangers, the benefits, and the strategies for maximizing the latter while mitigating the former.

I could not agree more.

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